|Why do I bother baking cupcakes for my kids? |
They would be happy with a bowl of icing and a jar of sprinkles!
|Kid's water shoes get frequent use around our place.|
I did not post much here on Classical Quest during August. Instead I focused on opening the doors of my home to my community for the first time since my C-section. I had finally overcome what Fly Lady calls CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome)!
|My living room -- with extra chairs for company. I do most of my reading in the chair with the quilt on the back.|
|praise and worship with friends|
What happened next was not an earth-shattering tragedy, but it was an event that wounded my heart and made me feel very sad.
For a while it cast a cloud over my days.
As I sat watching my kids playing in the yard, someone tossed a stream of jabbing text messages right into my lap.
The worst blows were hurled privately, but looking back I realized that my heckler's critical spirit had been present online for a quite a while -- even dating back to at comment she made on the blog I had before Classical Quest. Her periodic terse questions and general shortness was really steam from her rising disapproval of me. She was bound to eventually boil over. With hindsight I could see this clearly.
Being heckled knocked the breath out of me. It struck me deeply because it came -- not from a stranger -- but from a person whom I had long held in high esteem, a person I had tried to confide my struggles to.
I went "dark" for a few days to pray and sift through the criticism I had received. This experience became a turning point for my blog.
There were tears.
Through blogging I've revealed some of my goals and dreams. I've made myself vulnerable. I've taken a risk. This person, my heckler, was disgusted with what she saw when I cracked open the door and allowed her to peer in. She took it upon herself to scold me, not lovingly, but as a bully.
And friends, it's likely that some of your acquaintances will be disgusted with what they discover about you if you choose to bare your soul. We all live in a delusion about each other. We're excessively fond of perceiving others through the filtered lens of our own ideals. My heckler is not alone in this. I am often guilty of doing this to others too.
In this way my heckler became my helper.
|A drawing my daughter made for me.|
Anne Bogel, a.k.a. The Modern Mrs. Darcy, recommend I read Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art, by Madeline L'Engle. ( I'm still reading it in small portions and soaking it up.)
Through the magic of Facebook I reconnected with my darling friend, Krista Bjorn, whom I haven't seen since I was in Moscow, Russia in 1994! Krista is a writer who lives on a beautiful farm in Australia. She has a lovely blog called Rambling Tart. She reentered my life like a beacon at just the perfect time.
Krista's advice for me (which I took to heart):
" ...just be a beacon. It will draw some and repel others and both are OK. Those who leave free us up to THRIVE with the kindred spirits who come along."
|At the Kremlin in 1994 with friends I'm still in contact with today. I'm in the middle. Krista Bjorn is on the right near the grass.|