A couple weeks ago I stood in the produce section of the grocery store with cotton balls in my throbbing ears.
What meals will I make? I scanned the room, then meandered over to the organic section and began to analyze the offerings.
Soup. Just soup until I feel like eating something else!
I selected ingredients for five batches of my current favorites: Borscht, Seafood Chowder, Bean with Bacon, Beef and Barley, and Thai Chicken with Rice.
I love the entire soup-making process. You could say it's my thing. I usually listen to an audio book while I chop vegetables. Sometimes I let my little ones help me with the peeling.
A couple of my friends are on my heart right now -- Heidi lost her eleven year old son recently; Tracey has Adult Respiratory Distress Syndrome and is fighting for her life in ICU. Now and then as I'm going about my normal daily tasks, I suddenly feel a jab of sorrow and pray: God, help my friends!
|Bean with Bacon|
I've recently come to the startling realization that for most of my formative years I was influenced by a cult leader.
This information feels both painful and liberating. It's taking me some time to sort things out.
I used to be so sure about every facet of life: what I should and should not wear, listen to, say, believe, be, do. Looking back I can see that gradually through the years I've shed many things -- like a reptile shedding scales. Some ideas have dropped off almost without my notice, others have been painfully removed, as if a scale has been ripped out leaving a raw bleeding spot in its place.
Up until recent news made me face the full reality, I viewed the cult leader as a distant grandfather figure -- someone I didn't agree with on every point, but someone safe and well-meaning -- certainly not what he was. Like many people, I didn't see the obvious.
|Beef and Barley|
Now I'd even go so far to say it's not for anybody!
I keep having this sensation like I'm skydiving. It's both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time.
"The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know."
|Thai Chicken with Rice|
Ann Voskamp's blog has been helping me a lot lately.
This post by Keri Wyatt Kent has also helped. I love the line she has said to her kids through the years: "I love the person you are becoming." I've made a point of saying that to each of my kids lately. It's good for them and cathartic for me. I don't have to be afraid; I don't have to micromanage your soul. I love the person you are becoming!
These words imply that the future is bright—that I have great hope that they will grow into themselves. It says: you haven’t arrived yet, but I’m trusting the process. It reminds them that they are growing up and they are not you—that crucial process of differentiation that is essential for maturity. It also tells them that they don’t have to be just like mom or dad, or just like their older sibling. It simply says, You are becoming your own person, and that’s a good thing. It’s a way of telling them, “I believe in you!” without sounding quite so cheesy. I think it’s a phrase that instills confidence. And makes me feel more confident as a parent–even when it’s hard to let go.
Well now, I've got a lot off my chest today, haven't I!
Thanks for being there to help me process stuff.